As a blog owner, you know traffic control is a must. So, what if your blog is becoming junked up with visitors, or even worse, people who click on the ads, therefore giving you money? Here are 5 easy methods of making sure the people who spend time on your website never come back, so you don’t have to worry about being popular or earning money online!

1. Make sure you autoplay some random music on your blog! I mean, if they’re already listening to their own music, don’t like the same genre of music, or if they’re trying to keep the sound from their speakers muted, they’re going to hate when your site blasts some random sounds into their eardrums!
2. Disguise your content! The whole point people GO to websites is to view content, so what better way to drive them away than by burying your content in 3 miles of Adsense and random links? Make sure to use the same colors and awkward spacing in your content, that way your visitors won’t be able to tell where the ads end and the content starts!
3. Make your sidebar infinitely tall! There’s nothing visitors hate more (than the two listed above) than a sidebar that has more total content than the blog itself! I mean, the loading time itself is excruciating! So, the key here is to find as many traffic exchange widgets and social networking widgets as you can, and stuff them right into your sidebar! That way even a T1 connection will take 10 minutes to load your blog!
4. Be repetitive and redundant! Content is king! I know you’ve probably read that statement on 1,000 blogs already, which is exactly my point! If you blog about the same exact topics as your competitors, there will be no reason for visitors to come to your blog in the first place! Another benefit is that you can go to your competitors for post ideas!
5. Be a mom blogger…with attitude! There’s nothing a visitor finds more clichè than a catchphrase such as “I’m a mother, I’m a giver, and an all around bitch!” You’ll be sure to stand out as dull person who, for some reason, finds educational television to be over-stimulating!

There we have it, 5 easy ways to free up bandwidth on your site and reduce your Adsense income! If you need some more inspiration for crappifying your website, make sure to visit hosanna1!

In the never-ending race to be anything better than MySpace, AOL, or Disney, businesses are always looking to innovate their services, and hopefully crap out produce something that seems so fantastical it draws in customers like a hot Russian prostitute giving out free trials. Anyway, as many of us know, one of facebook’s most popular latest innovation is easily the facebook chatbar, which is simply a small bar at the bottom of the page that shows us online friends and new notifications. However, this innovation was so powerful that it defeated Chuck Norris and was crowned the new place to be for instant messaging, marking MSN, AIM, and Yahoo! messangers obsolete in the eyes of many.

However, I get the feeling we’re going to be seeing this concept used on many forums and other social networks within the next one to two years. To state an obvious example, MySpace was quick to ripoff the idea and use it on their own site. However, the chatbar has appeared in a place I’d thought I’d never see it: Youtube.

The Offender in Question

Don’t believe me? Login to Youtube and look for yourself.

Anyway, with companies like Social Engine already creating chatbar plugins for their own products and CometChat introducing such a functionality to Vbulletin, it’s only a matter of time that the concept is practically a prerequisite for any type of community website. Then it’ll be only a matter of time that the concept is worn out and nobody gives a shit any longer.

So what can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. Even if you and everybody else in the world boycotts any new sites that decide to be as innovative, there’s always going to be the idea that their site NEEDS it. Anyway, I’m going to jump far into the future, and when I come out with a forum, it’s going to have an instant messenger styled web-based chat. So it will be like having your own MSN in your browser.

And now I’ve lost any lust to write…