Okay, so I’m a senior with a few extra credits from AP courses and youth options courses. So of course I’m going to use one of my senior classes to slack off as a teacher aide. I mean, running small errands for a teacher can’t be all that bad right?

Boom, instantly there’s a catch: it’s basically the teacher I was at war with last year (he talked too much, I’d get bored, fall asleep, he’d yell at me, rinse and repeat). I eventually got around that though. Turns out he’s much more tolerable when I don’t have to pay attention to him basically droning on and on and on about absolutely nothing. So, I guess everything will be fine after all.

The real trouble began when I had to start correcting homework for the Social Problems and American Government classes. It’s not that I have anything against correcting in general; it keeps me busy, awake, not sleeping, etc. The real problem is when I get to see the pure genius that are the sophomore to senior level students.

For example, if you had it in the form of a multiple choice question, how many of you would feel confident about knowing how long Supreme Court judges get appointed?

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Show me the answer! ▼

For life!

I swear to god if this poll doesn’t show results better than the American Government class, I will slay you all and give you embarrassing nicknames. I mean, it shouldn’t be too hard, considering ONE out of THIRTY people got that answer correct (and this was crap I knew in about 5th grade people, 5th. fucking. grade.)

If that’s not enough to convince you, check out these pro spelling errors I’ve seen on papers:

“Inteprete” as interpret.

“Nashoin” as nation.

“Goled” as gold.

These errors wouldn’t be so painful to see if I was allowed to mark off points for idiocy like that, but noooo, American Government/Social Problems has no room for checking for correct spelling. God forbid.

Then, I also get to see all the patterns of…erm…”similar” answers. Yes, I think its obvious that most of the students cheat, but the teacher seems convinced otherwise. Oh well, looks like the teacher isn’t worried about churning out a bunch of idiots who can’t seem to remember a few simple facts from a textbook.

Good thing I get to live 1-2 more months of being a teacher aide, getting to see the worst of the worst when it comes to being bad at life in general.

This is my latest piece for Creative writing, need a few people to look it over, proof-read, comment, etc.

The soft hum of the projector warming up is drowned out by the sound of the students opening their notebooks for the day’s lesson. As the faint image of the day’s PowerPoint slowly comes into focus, a mystery student sneaks his way into the classroom and takes the seat nearest to the door. Despite a few students’ chuckles, the unwelcome visitor receives no attention from the teacher. Perhaps he didn’t notice, or perhaps he doesn’t care. Either way, a majority of the class has just lost their focus. Just then Professor Snape busts through the wall and throws a mysterious bubbling orange liquid on the mystery student.

“Oh no!” shouts the student. “What have you done?” Before he can continue, his flesh begins to peel off revealing a layer of off-white fur beneath it.

“I knew it!” exclaims Snape. “This student is actually a Canadian!” A majority of the class gasps in unison, while the remainder of the students run from the room screaming. The infected student continues his grotesque transformation into a Canadian, revealing 3 sets of sharp, bloodstained teeth, a long spiked tail, a pair of glasses, and a unibrow.

“It’s hideous!” shrieks the teacher as he sprints out of the classroom to vomit. The remainder of the class begins to realize the scope of danger the transformation brings. All but three of them successfully escape before the Canadian blocks the exit.

“I will consume all your souls, much like your mothers last night!” snarls the infected student. The students make an attempt at the wall that Snape busted through, but its blocked by Snape who himself has transformed into a Canadian. Snape and the infected student slowly work their way into trapping the remaining three students into a corner.

“You know what?” queries student 1, carefully studying the room for a possible escape route.

“Your mother?” replies student 2.

“Shut up C-mikes!” says student 3, pushing student 2 into the approaching Canadians.

“You idiot!” exclaims student 1 while the Canadians sink their sharp threatening into C-mikes, infecting him. “Now we have THREE Canadians to worry about!”

“…Oh yeah…”

“OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH” shouts the Kool-Aid man as he too busts through a wall.

“Wha-…who the piss are you?” shouts student 1.

“The game.”

“What?”

“You just lost it.”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Okay, so a little backstory: I got myself a shiny new pc (it’s quite fabulous, really), but for the time being had to suffice with a crappy wireless Microsoft mouse and keyboard (which we all know are terrible for gaming). So of course I was gonna play the most beast games I could find to stress test the mofo. So, of course, with Burnout Paradise being both sexy and one of my favorite games EVER, I just had to try it.

While I did find my pc quite sufficient for handling the game on the highest settings, I found the keyboard quite unacceptable. Why?

1. Couldn’t change music in-game since Microsoft neglected to add next/previous buttons to their MEDIA keyboard
2. The connection for it sucked, causing some inputs to either go undetected, or simply act as a stuck key since the kill signal wouldn’t go through (which is more annoying than you think. Ever get stuck going left at top speed in Burnout? It’s not a pretty sight).

So, I had absolutely no choice but to go to best buy and pick up a Razer Lycosa for $79 (I might have died otherwise). Unfortunately that means I missed a payment to my friend for my PC (oops! forgive me Travis). It was nice, sleek, and look perfectly geared toward what I wanted to do: play games and control my playlist at the SAME TIME (let that be a lesson, Microsoft!)

Sexy beast is sexy!

So I immediately hooked the bad boy up and installed the drivers. Great! Now what? Oh right, try out configuring the keyboard (maybe play around with the WASD lighting for shits and giigles). Lets take a look; uh-oh. The software only allows you to configure the media keys for four media players: WMP, iTunes, Real Player, and Winamp. It’s all good though, I suppose, the only other media player I use is Zune, and only for syncing my music to…well, my zune.

Alright, lets play some games. Great, this keyboard is nice and responsive! I could get used to this! Let’s go to the next song now *pushes “button”*….

AHEM, I said next song *pushes “button” again*…

YOU FUCKER, NEXT SONG *practically smashes the “button”*

*Media player changes song*. About time you asshole. Hopefully this shit is temporary and I only need to break the keyboard in a bit or something.

*3 hours later* Ugh, I need a break from trying to break in this keyboard. Time to put my music on hold. *Presses the pause “button”*

*Media player goes back to the beginning of the song*. The fuck? This is the play/pause button, not the restart song button! *mashes the “button” some more*

*Song restarts some more before finally stopping*. The fuck was that all about? You know what, I’ve had it with this shit, lets see what happens when I uninstall the software.

So, I uninstall the little shit and guess what? My media keys start functioning normally, and now I’m allowed to use them with whatever media player I want! What the fuck Razer? Why would you cripple your own keyboard to function INCORRECTLY with media players? Why not leave the media shit *UNTOUCHED*? Wouldn’t that make more sense?

So, to all those who plan on getting a Lycosa and don’t have a big need to control their keyboard lighting or macro/profile ability, do NOT install their shit drivers.