Okay, so I’m a senior with a few extra credits from AP courses and youth options courses. So of course I’m going to use one of my senior classes to slack off as a teacher aide. I mean, running small errands for a teacher can’t be all that bad right?

Boom, instantly there’s a catch: it’s basically the teacher I was at war with last year (he talked too much, I’d get bored, fall asleep, he’d yell at me, rinse and repeat). I eventually got around that though. Turns out he’s much more tolerable when I don’t have to pay attention to him basically droning on and on and on about absolutely nothing. So, I guess everything will be fine after all.

The real trouble began when I had to start correcting homework for the Social Problems and American Government classes. It’s not that I have anything against correcting in general; it keeps me busy, awake, not sleeping, etc. The real problem is when I get to see the pure genius that are the sophomore to senior level students.

For example, if you had it in the form of a multiple choice question, how many of you would feel confident about knowing how long Supreme Court judges get appointed?

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Show me the answer! ▼

For life!

I swear to god if this poll doesn’t show results better than the American Government class, I will slay you all and give you embarrassing nicknames. I mean, it shouldn’t be too hard, considering ONE out of THIRTY people got that answer correct (and this was crap I knew in about 5th grade people, 5th. fucking. grade.)

If that’s not enough to convince you, check out these pro spelling errors I’ve seen on papers:

“Inteprete” as interpret.

“Nashoin” as nation.

“Goled” as gold.

These errors wouldn’t be so painful to see if I was allowed to mark off points for idiocy like that, but noooo, American Government/Social Problems has no room for checking for correct spelling. God forbid.

Then, I also get to see all the patterns of…erm…”similar” answers. Yes, I think its obvious that most of the students cheat, but the teacher seems convinced otherwise. Oh well, looks like the teacher isn’t worried about churning out a bunch of idiots who can’t seem to remember a few simple facts from a textbook.

Good thing I get to live 1-2 more months of being a teacher aide, getting to see the worst of the worst when it comes to being bad at life in general.

This is my latest piece for Creative writing, need a few people to look it over, proof-read, comment, etc.

The soft hum of the projector warming up is drowned out by the sound of the students opening their notebooks for the day’s lesson. As the faint image of the day’s PowerPoint slowly comes into focus, a mystery student sneaks his way into the classroom and takes the seat nearest to the door. Despite a few students’ chuckles, the unwelcome visitor receives no attention from the teacher. Perhaps he didn’t notice, or perhaps he doesn’t care. Either way, a majority of the class has just lost their focus. Just then Professor Snape busts through the wall and throws a mysterious bubbling orange liquid on the mystery student.

“Oh no!” shouts the student. “What have you done?” Before he can continue, his flesh begins to peel off revealing a layer of off-white fur beneath it.

“I knew it!” exclaims Snape. “This student is actually a Canadian!” A majority of the class gasps in unison, while the remainder of the students run from the room screaming. The infected student continues his grotesque transformation into a Canadian, revealing 3 sets of sharp, bloodstained teeth, a long spiked tail, a pair of glasses, and a unibrow.

“It’s hideous!” shrieks the teacher as he sprints out of the classroom to vomit. The remainder of the class begins to realize the scope of danger the transformation brings. All but three of them successfully escape before the Canadian blocks the exit.

“I will consume all your souls, much like your mothers last night!” snarls the infected student. The students make an attempt at the wall that Snape busted through, but its blocked by Snape who himself has transformed into a Canadian. Snape and the infected student slowly work their way into trapping the remaining three students into a corner.

“You know what?” queries student 1, carefully studying the room for a possible escape route.

“Your mother?” replies student 2.

“Shut up C-mikes!” says student 3, pushing student 2 into the approaching Canadians.

“You idiot!” exclaims student 1 while the Canadians sink their sharp threatening into C-mikes, infecting him. “Now we have THREE Canadians to worry about!”

“…Oh yeah…”

“OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH” shouts the Kool-Aid man as he too busts through a wall.

“Wha-…who the piss are you?” shouts student 1.

“The game.”

“What?”

“You just lost it.”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Someone give the patchers for HP a pay raise. As a note: to get the install cancelled patch to actually install, you have to choose only that update to install. Something they *probably* should have added to the description.

So, I recently was employed at Culver’s to get my parents to stop bitching about me having a job (even though they’ll, soon enough, find something new to bitch about). Anyway, along with me, another person by the name of Cody was hired. However, he’s a lazy dumbass who thinks he’s the shit. So basically not only is he annoying, but he’s also a worthless employee.

So, while watching Zolar Vision as I do every friday (right here, he does live prank calls), I had an idea. Why not request him to call the Culver’s of my employment, and act like he got harassed a bit by said Cody (since he was supposed to be closing that night). Thanks to my friend offy offering to chip in if he did the call, it happened. Here’s a video of the call:

And to those who think I’m a cruel person and that Cody didn’t deserve this kind of prank, listen up:

• Cody was told to change the flavor of the day to Butter Brickle. He somehow managed to fuck it up enough to make Brickle Pecan.
• He thinks he can beat the shit out of everyone, and likes to tell everyone that he’s going to throw them through a wall for no reason.
• The reason he wasn’t there during the call was because he took off because he was feeling “sick”
• The managers didn’t like him BEFORE this call.

Justified? I think so.

As the internet grows, it begins to fill up with tons of crap sites (such as mine own) with bloggers who think they’re unique and interesting. If you are one such person, you can use this list to determine whether or not anybody gives a crap about your blog.

1. Wordless Wednesday. You have them.
2. Yourblog.blogspot.com. Thats how you get to your blog.
3. Image dumps for posts. Especially populated from images on stumbleupon.
4. You seem to think you are your pet. You are not. Pets cannot use blogging services with such accuracy.
5. You are female and have given birth to children. Mommyblogger fail.
6. You lol at demotivators and partake in creating your own. Black borders don’t make everything funny.
7. You lol at lolcats and partake in creating your own. Chances are you’re not witty.
8. Stumbleupon. It’s no longer a valid method of retrieving content.
9. Memes & Awards. You partake in them.
10. When you run out of ideas, you create pointless lists. Disregard that, I suck cocks.
11. Personal Diary. The internet is not a good one.
12. Traffic Exchanges are your main source of traffic. I lol’d.

I hope you learned something from the 10 minutes it took me to create this small yet ACCURATE filter for whether or not your blog is shit.